I am amazed how different situations cause similar emotions. Over the past eight months, I have found myself holding back in my blogs – not because I felt I had to hide what was happening in my life, but rather because I felt pregnancy did not correlate with my journey with pain. I know now that I was wrong. I now see that everything in my life intertwines, somehow circling back to my experiences with pain.

This newfound recognition may not have happened without Rick. During the weekend, he kept encouraging to write. He reminded me that most of the issues I am working through are similar to what I dealt with during the darkest days of my pain journey. While life may focus on “Baby” and his arrival, the way I accept, cope and overcome the fears and sensations are connected.

Each of us encounters pain and struggle. While we might not all be physically crippled by the excruciating agony, most of us find pain paralyzes a part of our lives. Whether we retreat, harbor anger or become depressed, pain has the power to crush our dreams and diminish our light. It can easily control us.

I guess what I am trying to convey is that while I may not be in the depths of a chronic pain episode, I am in the midst of a challenging experience causing vulnerability and fear to resurface. I am again dealing with the “what ifs” and the terrifying unpredictability of the unknown. Just as everyone dealing with pain knows, stress exacerbates the situation. These past few weeks have definitely shown me how stress is personally affecting me. It has been a daily priority for me to be conscious of breathing, relaxing and letting go as I endure more physical pain (RSD and pregnancy-related), sleepless nights and anxiety.

To those who feel weighted down by personal circumstances, you are not alone. Life is full of challenges. Yet I believe it is because of such obstacles that we find ourselves. Although pain took much from me, it gave me back much in return. Due to pain, I learned to trust, believe, hope and have faith in myself. I found true meaning in life. I recognize my inner-strength and am no longer ashamed to embrace my survivor-mentality; a characteristic that I believe is within us all.

Therefore, while this moment may seem uncertain I know in my heart all is in divine order. I just need to release the self-defeating and self-sabotaging thoughts so I can focus on peace and healing. Everything will be okay … tomorrow is a new day with new hope and possibility.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

            Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”