Nicole Hemmenway's Blog of Hope & Healing

Controlling What I Can

2011-11-10T01:02:49Z

I realize I have little say in many life matters. Right now, that is apparent in not knowing when Baby will arrive. In the past, I faced this dealing with the unknowns and fears of pain. Regardless of the circumstance, I am not in control. Because I cannot change certain aspects in my life, it is that much more important for me to learn techniques that give me a sense of peace, purpose and balance. I must see that I do have power over the way I respond.

The past few days I have spent focusing inward, finding ways to handle my current situation. In order to move forward without stress or anxiety, I am reinventing a new “me.” A "me" that is grateful for little things in my days, a "me" that can acknowledge fears while staying positive, a "me" that is hopeful and content.

I am pulling out old meditation CDs to relax the mind, body and spirit. I am thinking about what I eat to make sure I only feed myself healing foods. I am lighting more candles while envisioning how I want the next two months to unfold. I am connecting with spiritual coaches to help clear hindering beliefs so I can find serenity.

In a nutshell, I am living life by my rules. I making sure to do things that make me happy and calm which will therefore prepare me for whatever life has in store for me.

To those who also currently feel life is spinning out of control, I hope you too can find some good in your day. Continue to look for those answers, believe in the unimaginable and trust that better times are ahead.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Breakthrough

2011-11-07T16:04:10Z

I am amazed how different situations cause similar emotions. Over the past eight months, I have found myself holding back in my blogs – not because I felt I had to hide what was happening in my life, but rather because I felt pregnancy did not correlate with my journey with pain. I know now that I was wrong. I now see that everything in my life intertwines, somehow circling back to my experiences with pain.

This newfound recognition may not have happened without Rick. During the weekend, he kept encouraging to write. He reminded me that most of the issues I am working through are similar to what I dealt with during the darkest days of my pain journey. While life may focus on “Baby” and his arrival, the way I accept, cope and overcome the fears and sensations are connected.

Each of us encounters pain and struggle. While we might not all be physically crippled by the excruciating agony, most of us find pain paralyzes a part of our lives. Whether we retreat, harbor anger or become depressed, pain has the power to crush our dreams and diminish our light. It can easily control us.

I guess what I am trying to convey is that while I may not be in the depths of a chronic pain episode, I am in the midst of a challenging experience causing vulnerability and fear to resurface. I am again dealing with the “what ifs” and the terrifying unpredictability of the unknown. Just as everyone dealing with pain knows, stress exacerbates the situation. These past few weeks have definitely shown me how stress is personally affecting me. It has been a daily priority for me to be conscious of breathing, relaxing and letting go as I endure more physical pain (RSD and pregnancy-related), sleepless nights and anxiety.

To those who feel weighted down by personal circumstances, you are not alone. Life is full of challenges. Yet I believe it is because of such obstacles that we find ourselves. Although pain took much from me, it gave me back much in return. Due to pain, I learned to trust, believe, hope and have faith in myself. I found true meaning in life. I recognize my inner-strength and am no longer ashamed to embrace my survivor-mentality; a characteristic that I believe is within us all.

Therefore, while this moment may seem uncertain I know in my heart all is in divine order. I just need to release the self-defeating and self-sabotaging thoughts so I can focus on peace and healing. Everything will be okay … tomorrow is a new day with new hope and possibility.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Wanting to Fix while Remembering to Just Be

2011-11-03T01:05:15Z

Sometimes the hardest position is to be a bystander watching the person you care for struggle. While you know there is nothing you can do to ease the heartache, you still wish you had the right words to say, the perfect-sized band aide to heal the wound, the ability to make the pain cease.

When I face these situations now, I try to remember my own journey. What helped me the most were the simple things: a “thinking of you” card, a “just checking in on you” phone call or an “I am here for you” email. All I needed to know was that I had someone who would stand by me; someone who would encourage me to hold onto hope and believe in brighter days … someone who I could lean on when I lost my way, my will or my strength.

To those who feel helpless as a caregiver or friend, just know that being you is making a world of a difference. Your support, love and genuine concern are appreciated. While I know you want to move mountains and fix everything, remember the greatest gift you can give is being present.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Crazed

2011-10-26T22:14:44Z

Today has not been the greatest for me. After two nights of minimal sleep, exhaustion has gotten the best of me. My thoughts are scattered, my body aches and my emotions are all over the place. I have found myself crying for no apparent reason; unable to calm down only frustrates me more causing me to laugh and sob at the same time. What can I say … it is just one of those “funk” days.

I am sure most can relate. Sleep-deprivation is a serious condition affecting many people in the pain community and beyond. In my opinion, I believe adequate rest is one of the most important factors to keeping us mentally and physically fit. Without sleep, it is impossible to function at the level we need to in order to deal with life.

While I am a bit crazed with self-defeating and self-loathing thoughts right now, I recognize that I am just overly tired. I know I am okay. All I need to feel stronger and happier again is a good’s night sleep.

Until that happens, I am trying to stay positive and relaxed. I cancelled my afternoon appointments to avoid stress (or a public meltdown!) and instead went on a walk with Rick and the dogs. I am focusing on doing things that may bring me peace or boost my spirits. Most importantly, I am taking deep breaths as I remind myself that this will pass.

For those dealing with insomnia, my thoughts are with you. My universal intention this evening is that we all receive a better night’s rest. Hang in there, know you are not alone and keep believing in brighter days.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Finding Time for a Daily Mini-Getaway

2011-10-25T00:48:55Z

After receiving an email this afternoon from a friend telling me about her mini-vacation this past weekend, I began thinking that we all need a mini-getaway. Each of us needs an escape from the daily trials we face.

As you know from personal experience, life is short. Yet even though we realize this, we too often allow minute things to bog us down. We give power to forces outside of our control and to instances that serve no purpose. Sadly, we become so involved in the hustle and bustle of life that we overlook those simple moments that bring us joy. It is as if we forget that in one second everything we planned, dreamed or hoped for can change.

I know it is not possible for any of us to take off on a relaxing or rejuvenating excursion a few days each week. Therefore, we must create our own “mini-getaway.” For me, I view walks with my dogs as a time to let go of the stresses of the day. I attend yoga to reconnect my mind, body and spirit. I even treat myself to a decaf soy latte or a spa pedicure sometimes. I do things that are not over-the-top but still make me feel good and special.

It is my hope that each of us can begin to live every day to its fullest. My wish is for us all to find happiness and meaning, that we recognize the value of taking care of ourselves. After all, it is through “mini-getaways” that we are able to continue forward with our journeys … holding onto hope and believing in the unimaginable.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Finding A New Routine

2011-10-19T23:43:38Z

Last night I attended a prenatal yoga class. This was the first time I had done yoga since April, and I was a bit nervous. As some of you may remember, I became interested in this practice earlier this year. It was part of my New Year’s Resolution of making time for me and finding balance in my life.

Entering the studio was intimidating for me. I wanted to be a rock-star. I wanted to be able to do every pose my peers were doing, and leave the class feeling relaxed and rejuvenated. Yet knowing it had been seven months since I had done a downward-facing dog, tree or warrior pose caused me anxiety.

Thankfully, the instructor was kind and comforting. She emphasized that each of us were on different journeys, and therefore, we had to go at our pace. In her mind, prenatal yoga is just as much about listening to your body signals as it is about connecting with your baby and learning to move in comfortable ways.

I quickly felt at ease within the group. There were movements I could not fully complete, but that was fine with me. I trusted that my body knew best. I breathed and allowed myself to let go of judgment. I was present in the moment, and it felt good.

I left yoga feeling calm, collected and centered. With such a positive response, I have decided to add this practice to my weekly routine. One night a week, I will do this for me. This will be my time to bond with baby and reconnect with myself.

My wish is for each of you to find that one activity that makes you feel whole and unstoppable. I think it is so important that we take care of ourselves and do things that create inner-harmony and peace. Have a good night!

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

You Have To Trust

2011-10-18T00:18:53Z

It has been over a decade since I began looking “outside the box” for answers to help me along my pain journey. I am so grateful that I did. Opening up to the wonders and powers of the Universe fundamentally changed my life.

Not only did I find my authentic self, but I also discovered my strength, courage and resilience. I soon realized pain did not define me. Free of feeling pigeonholed by a label, I became empowered and vocal. I began trusting my instincts. As I listened to my body, I saw that I held the key to my healing. I could make a difference in my own life.

This afternoon I came across a quote from Benjamin Spock that I wanted to share with you. I hope it helps you begin to believe in yourself. Remember that you are strong and courageous. Hold onto hope and follow your dreams. I am thinking of each of you and sending healing wishes.

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do." –Benjamin Spock

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Signs

2011-10-11T23:43:07Z

Today I am still trying to let go of wanted outcomes. This is hard to do when so much is riding on what will be. Yet I know I can handle anything. I might not feel strong in this moment, but I do know I possess the strength, willpower and resilience to overcome any obstacle I might face.

It still amazes me how the Universe provides just when I need it to the most. The past twenty-four hours I have received many signs assuring me that I will make it through this new hurdle. From my aunt’s text message reminding me of the power that comes from “surrendering to the unknown” to emails showering me with love and support, I see that I am not alone.

Another sign came in the form of a song: Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel.” Immediately, I knew that a glorious angel from above was with me. A sense of serenity flowed through my body as I listened to the lyrics. Even though the feeling was fleeting, I knew I was “in the arms of an angel” then and now.

I also received a care package in the mail today. Not only did the heartfelt present bring a smile to my face, but it also brought joy back to my life. I realized that no matter how dark a situation may seem happiness and kindness always exist. I do not want to spend my days wondering “what will be” because that just robs me of what is currently in front of me.

Each of us faces our own journeys that cause us to question, doubt, fear and worry. If we did not experience these emotions, we would not be human. With that said, I do not think it is healthy to stay stuck in that dark area. It is important for me to acknowledge my feelings of helplessness while surrounding myself with light energy. I inhale serenity while I exhale fear.

I am thinking of you and hoping each of you finds a little magic or light in the midst of the pain.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Faith, Miracles, Believing

2011-10-10T23:54:30Z

I have been preoccupied all day with things that are out of my control. While I am trying to stay calm, nothing I do seems to ease my mind or lift my spirits. The entire afternoon I have been quiet and reserved, spending my time reading or staring at the lit eucalyptus candle on my desk. I have withdrawn from the outside world.

Retreating inward is a coping mechanism of mine that helps me regain strength and find my way through whatever problem I face. Life is full of challenges and heartaches. We cannot escape them, yet we do have the power and ability to rise above and believe all will be well.

Tonight I am striving to do that. I am putting my intentions and faith toward a positive outcome. No matter what may be, I know everything will be okay. I will survive … no, I am going to make sure I thrive.

I share this with you not for sympathy, but rather to let those of you who may be feeling the same know that you are not alone. Hang in there. Continue to believe.

“I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we’re not wise enough to see it.”

–Oprah Winfrey

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Pumpkin

2011-10-06T22:45:15Z

This afternoon I went to Target to pick up a new filter for my Brita water pitcher. As I passed the home décor aisle, I became excited to see all the decorations for Halloween and Thanksgiving. My favorite time of year has arrived.

When fall approaches and the weather turns cool and rainy, I get an urge to bake. Being in the kitchen with the oven warming the house as the aroma of pumpkin, cinnamon and nutmeg float through the air makes me happy. For some reason, baking lifts my mood. I no longer feel discouraged or alone; all just seems right in the world.

I did not bake anything today nor will I for a few more weeks. Instead, I purchased a pumpkin-fragranced soy candle from Target to bring the spirit of the holidays to life. Looking out my front window at the pouring rain, the smell from my burning candle reminds me of my past. I am content remembering the laughs, the love, the special memories that only this time of year brings.

I am amazed a candle could bring such light and joy to my day. I hope whatever it may be in your life that sparks memories of happiness and joy brings you the same peace, clarity and serenity that my newfound candle has for me.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Feeling Stifled

2011-10-05T00:00:59Z

For the past few days, I have found myself staring at a blank computer screen. It seems that I cannot will words to appear in front of me. I just am unable to express my innermost thoughts.

Instead of being discouraged that I find myself blocked to my creative energies, I am focusing my efforts on being understanding. I know this does not only happen to me. Each of us has felt unable to communicate at various times; therefore, I must stay positive. I know my passion for writing will return as will my motivation. Until then, I am learning to patient.

I am sending healing wishes into the Universe. Remember you are never alone on your journeys … and continue to believe in the unimaginable. Dreams do come true.

“Be strong, go with your heart, and believe in miracles because anything…anything can happen.” –Marlo Javidando

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Big Move

2011-09-30T22:03:56Z

Today is an exciting day for me. After spending the past week organizing and rearranging our living space, I am finally writing in my new office. I am giving myself time to adjust to the changes. While I miss having my vision boards plastered on the walls around me, I am now able to look out windows and see my front yard. It is peaceful and calming to watch tree branches sway in the wind while leaves fall to the ground.

Though I never envisioned my office would look like this, this move is good for me on many levels. I have come to realize that I sometimes give too much credit to external forces instead of acknowledging my role in making things happen. My old office was a safe haven for me. It felt like home, and since I could be myself and express my innermost thoughts, I attached my ability to inspire to the physical room. By doing so, I downplayed my authentic gift to connect.

I finally see that home lies within. Sure, I need to feel comfortable in my environment. Yet more importantly, I must feel comfortable in my own skin. A room, while beautiful and full of positive energy, is just a room. What I need to do is acknowledge that I make things happen for myself. I create my own healing oasis.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I will be thinking of you and sending healing thoughts to those in need. Continue to hold onto hope, and remember we all can feel at home … once we allow ourselves to own our strengths and gifts.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Disconnecting In Order To Get Things Done

2011-09-27T00:47:30Z

I know I have not written in a few days, but I wanted to let you know that I am doing well. With Baby on the way, Rick and I know we need to rearrange our current living space. To do this, we realized we needed new organizational pieces for our house. Last Thursday, I spent the afternoon with my mom shopping. I then spent the next three days disconnected from the outside world so I could focus on assembling a desk, office chair, cabinet, sideboard, coffee table and two shelving units.

While there is still much to do, I am proud of what I accomplished this weekend. Despite being able to work under pressure and multi-task, every once in awhile I find I need to direct all my energy on one job. I believe there are times in all our lives when we must pull back from the outer world in order to complete certain tasks that make us feel better. This was one of those times for me.

I did nothing but eat, sleep and organize. It was cathartic. As I look at what I was able to achieve, I feel lighter and more centered. Balance has seemed to reenter my life, and I feel good.

For those in need of some extra support, just remember you are not alone and I am thinking of you. Continue to hold onto hope. Own your strength, and see yourself as the hero and survivor that you are.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

PS – Thanks Mom and Dad for your help!

Listening and Trusting

2011-09-22T17:51:01Z

For the past few weeks, I have been making it a priority to listen to my body and trust my intuition. I am in a transition stage in my life. While thrilled to begin this new chapter, it has not been completely easy.

Experiencing some challenges meant I needed to “take it easy.” For the first five months, I listened to my doctors and rested as they instructed. I did not exercise and kept my feet up as much as possible. Thankfully, my health has improved and I am able to be slightly more active. With this newfound freedom to “get up off the couch,” I find myself in a new predicament. Do I remain mostly sedentary or do I listen to my body and move?

I learned through my journey with pain how important it is for me to listen to my intuition. I know my body, and I know my limits. I know when I can push myself and when I need to stop. Therefore, I trust that I know what is best for me now.

I am moderately exercising every day in order to take care of mind, body and spirit. While I am not overdoing it, I am doing things that make me happy again.

I do not want you to misunderstand me. I never recommend going against doctors orders. With that said, my wish is that you learn to trust your gut. If something seems off, do not do it. Yet if something feels right, consult those working with you and explain your reasoning. You know yourself better than anyone else does. Believe in the power that lies within you and trust that it will lead you in the right direction.

I am sending my love and healing wishes to you.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Rushing against the Clock

2011-09-20T02:00:09Z

I feel as though I have been playing catch-up all day. Each night before I go to bed, I like to have a tentative plan as to how I am going to tackle the upcoming day. Unfortunately, my intention to wake early with a clear and fresh mind was not in the cards.

I ended up sleeping later than I imagined. Despite putting me at a disadvantage for checking off the items on my “to-do” list, I know I needed my rest so I refused to beat myself up for getting a late start. Instead, I re-prioritized my list as I ate breakfast.

The rest of the day has been a blur. Besides two phone calls when I was fully engaged in the conversation, I feel I have been racing against the clock, all too aware of the time. Thankfully, tomorrow is a new day. While wishing I had finished the one task that I had ranked the highest priority, by late afternoon, I knew I needed to make time for myself. I made the decision to finish the project tomorrow.

Life is too short for me to worry or stress. I want to be happy, healthy and whole. Today, I put “me” first and I have no regrets. My wish is that none of you carries guilt for putting your own needs at the top of your never-ending list. Be kind to yourself tonight.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Recognizing Subtle Body Signals

2011-09-16T00:25:28Z

Each of us has different body signals informing us that we need to make a change in order to stay healthy and mentally well. For me, poor posture is an indication that my body is worn down and not as strong as I would like it to be. In fact, one of the reasons I began yoga earlier this year was because I noticed I was constantly slouching my shoulders and hunching over.

I felt I needed a huge spiritual kick, something that would bring me balance and serenity. It did. For nearly five months, I attended regular morning yoga classes. I felt amazing. My core was becoming stronger, flexibility was improving and I had a newfound sense of physical and emotional balance.

I am realizing as my posture continues to decline that I need to make a change. I must make a commitment with myself to participate in activities that leave me calm and empowered. As you know, I have not been able to do much the past six months. Yet with all this mandatory “rest” time, it saddens me that I never made the connection to focus on quality “me time.”

I think because most of the activities that bring me joy and stability center around movement – yoga, running, hiking, walks with the dogs, Tai Chi Chih – I forgot about the other pastimes that make me happy. I overlooked the power of creating vision boards, journaling, reading and having a cup of tea.

Thankfully, it is never too late to live your best life. Today I am making a promise to once gain, nurture my body, mind and soul. I am going to make a concerted effort to be more aware of how my body is acting and feeling. I am going to be present again. I want to live in harmony ... and I want this for all of you too.

What subtle body signals tell you that there is imbalance in your world? What changes or additions can you make to bring the joy back to your day?

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Proud

2011-09-13T16:02:53Z

The first time I heard “Proud” by Heather Small I was watching “The Biggest Loser” on NBC. While it was the theme song of the show for five seasons, it was not until I began training for the half marathon in 2007 that I truly listened to the lyrics. All of sudden I became inspired. It was as if a jolt of positive energy flowed through my veins whenever I heard the song. I felt invisible and alive, empowered and strong.

It also made me reevaluate the way I live and perceive my life. As I pondered the question, “What have you done today to make you feel proud,” I realized that every day I did something worth recognition. Some days it may have been just getting out of bed while other days it was training hard or feeling as if I was making a difference. Whatever it was, I began to see that it was okay for me to be proud of my accomplishments. In fact, I needed to acknowledge those moments of triumph so I could continue to grow and heal.

Regardless of whether we deal with pain, disability or heartache, I think everyone of us has a difficult time patting ourselves on the back for a “job well done.” In my opinion, this is a shame. We have no problem pointing out our faults and berating ourselves for our weaknesses. Yet when it comes to being proud of whom we are and what we have done, we fall silent or downplay the significance of our accomplishment.

My wish today is for each of us to be able to find something in our daily lives that makes us proud, and own that achievement. After all, we deserve to succeed and be happy.

Therefore, my question to all of you is this:

What have you done today that makes you feel proud?

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Proud

Lyrics by: Heather Small & Peter Vittese

I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Still so many answers I don't know
Realise that to question is how we grow
So I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

We need a change
Do it today
I can feel my spirit rising
We need a change
So do it today
'Cause I can see a clear horizon

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
'Cause you could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today
You could be so many people?
Just make that break for freedom
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?

Slow Down

2011-09-13T00:01:35Z

I really hope everyone is doing well this evening. These past few days were busy for me, and I noticed the need to “slow down and rest” yesterday and today. While I want to push myself to finish tasks and be the best person I can be, I know I am human. I have to be patient with myself, and that means listening to my intuition.

To those struggling mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually this evening, I hope the words below by Kobi Yamada comfort you as they have me. We all have days when life seems to unravel, but remember it will pass. My wish is for each of us to be able to take a moment to breathe and find something that makes us smile. Let us try to live every day in harmony. Just believe.

I am sending healing wishes.

“Believe in your dreams. Believe in today. Believe that you are loved. Believe that you make a difference. Believe we can build a better world. Believe when others might not. Believe there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Believe that you may be that light for someone else. Believe that the best is yet to be. Believe in yourself. I believe in you.” –Kobi Yamada

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

PS – Happy Birthday, Paul! Thank you for all you do … and for being a great friend.

My Morning Walk

2011-09-08T15:35:19Z

This morning I went to the gym, a place I have not frequented much since becoming pregnant. I decided to use the treadmill since learning I can participate in light forms of exercise such as walking. Although there was a part of me that felt guilty that I did not walk outdoors with the dogs, I knew today was about me. I just wanted to feel a bit of normalcy return to my every day life; I hope to take Cooper and Lucy on a much-needed outing this weekend.

I charged my iPod before leaving my house. Having not listened to my iPod since moving to California twenty months ago, the song list came as a surprise. As fate would have it, the first song to play was the beginning of the track I made for my half marathon four years ago. It was as if the Universe knew I needed a sign. Yes, life is unpredictable, and at times, unfair. However, I must continue to trust and move forward because there is joy, happiness and light up ahead.

I felt a newfound power rise in me as I walked. I even began to smile and swing my arms with each new song. I felt invigorated and empowered. Soon I began thinking about my past, in awe that I had overcome so much. I remembered how I used to lay in bed in the fetal position envisioning a better life for myself. Yet I never knew it was going to feel or be this good.

Obviously, it has not always been roses and daisies, but I have far exceeded any expectations. Therefore, I know I must believe what is still yet to come will be just as wonderful. Happiness, greatness and good health are out there waiting for me ... just as they are there for you, too.

Today, music led me on a trip down memory lane that again changed my outlook on life. It is my wish that you also find something in your day that allows you to believe in the unimaginable, hold onto hope and trust that the pain and sadness will dissipate.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”

Wading through the Muck

2011-09-07T00:25:22Z

Whether personal, professional or health-related, we all face setbacks in our lives. I have learned that while I cannot change my circumstance I can shift my perception regarding the situation. Though sometimes I would rather just wallow in despair, I know that does not serve me. At some point, I have to become proactive.

A few days ago, I discovered that my health insurance was undergoing significant changes. The new implementations that went into effect immediately have a direct impact me. As you may imagine, I am having a difficult time letting go and trusting that something good will come from this mess. In fact, I just want to scream at the boards making these terrible decisions. It is hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel ... but I know it exists.

It is moments like these that I am again thankful for my pain journey. Despite the tears and fears, I know all will be okay. I can handle anything that comes my way; I am strong and resilient. Obviously, I wish for the issue to resolve itself. However, that may not turn out to be the case. I am therefore taking action. Since it is important that I understand my options, I have been contacting people that can help me navigate my current predicament.

I am reminded of a saying my life coach tells me frequently, “this or greater.” Tonight, I am focusing on “the greater.” I have no idea what the outcome may be, but I trust it will be the best outcome for me.

No matter what you may be facing in your own life this evening, know that I am thinking of you. I hope you find comfort focusing on "the greater” as I have.

Believing in Miracles,

Nicole Hemmenway

Author of “No, It Is NOT In My Head: The Journey of a Chronic Pain Survivor from Wheelchair to Marathon”